Well, here we are again... wondering which favorite will get the unceremonial boot. Lord knows Bristol or Kurt won't be going home, because that would just make too much sense.
So who will it be? Rick? Maybe Kyle?
To get things kicked off, the judges decide three couples are better than one, and they award the spotlight dance to Team Apolo. Cop out much?
And now it's time for a behind-the-scenes glimpse at last night. Brandy gets weepy. Bristol gets weepy.
Next up-- the first 'are-they-safe-or-not'. Brandy & Maks are. Bristol & Mark aren't.
To fill a little (okay... a lot) of time, we get the Oscars of DWTS. First up-- Most Dramatic Moment. The winner is Marie Osmond for her scary collapse in Season 5. Of course, she was taking critique from Len at the time, so it was to be expected. But still...
A little bit of Broadway comes to the hardwood now, with 'Step in Time' from the hit Mary Poppins. It's no 'Julie Andrews & Dick van Dyke', but these guys and gals are pretty darn good.
Ladies and gentlemen... TAYLOR SWIFT! Oddly enough, she's singing a song about a girl in love with a boy. Huh, go figure. (I kid. I'm actually a fan. Kanye can suck it.)
The next award, for Best Worst Dancer goes to... Kenny Mayne. (Kate Gosselin was, in fact, nominated... but since she already won for Worst Worst Dancer, she wasn't eligible.)
More safeties: Jenougher gets one. Rick & Cheryl don't.
...aaaand more filler: Alums wish the show a happy 200th birthday. Really? That's the best you come come up with?
Ooh! Another award-- Biggest Dancer Transformation. Former 'skinny Fabio' Louis van Amstel takes the crown, beating out former pony-tail/mullet dude Maks.
Rod Stewart's up next, singing about a boy in love with a girl. Don't look now, but Barry Manilow's got some serious competition.
And the awards keep on coming-- Best Judges' Moments goes to... apparently, all three of them. Huh? What a gyp! If it were me, I'd drop it right in Bruno's lap. (Insert off-color joke here.)
Kurt & Anna are safe. Kyle & Lacy aren't. (See? It's gonna be Rick or Kyle-- I'm telling you!)
Taylor Swift is back, singing about a girl no longer in love with a boy. Nice acoustic version of 'White Horse' there, darlin'. Unfortunately, it's just too much for poor Tommy B., who (alas) swoons... but at least has the presence of mind to pre-emptively pass the mic to Taylor-- who announces the 'Instant Dance' challenge for next week: the stars won't know their accompanying music until they take the floor. Oooh, that just won't be pretty.
One more safety before we're down to two, and it goes to Bristol & Mark. (Believe me now?? Huh??)
But first-- a preview of Skating with the Stars. The six 'stars' are: Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel, Skier Jonny Mosely, actress Rebecca Budig, actor Brandon Mychal Smith, actress Sean Young, and rocker Vince Neil... Oh. My. God.
And now, back to the red light district, where we learn that... Rick is going home.
...and for the 2nd time in two weeks, we get a clear and obvious reason why DWTS should employ the ol' American Idol 'Judges Save'. Yes, I called him 'Frankenstein' last week... but based on this week's performance, the (almost) Fantastic Mr. Fox should be around at least one more week.